Anxiety has the unwelcome habit of turning up when you least expect it. This is never truer than during mid-life, and particularly if you are experiencing perimenopause. You're frustrated at being stopped in your tracks by a sudden wave of uncomfortable feelings, a creeping sense of it slowly oozing through the cracks. You end up with a realisation that you've been avoiding things you used to love and you really don't know why.

Menopause often gets the blame for those big feelings, as though you're being carried along by a wave of emotion, with little or no choice about what's happening to you.

What if, though, your menopause is exaggerating what’s really going on underneath? 

Maybe the feelings you’re having shouldn’t necessarily be blamed on menopause because they might actually go some way to helping you understand yourself better?

Imagine how empowering that could be.

Helping you to discover how to feel more in control of what you are experiencing is what this blog is all about.

Let’s be honest - there is a LOT going on through mid-life. Big life changes often occur around now: elderly relatives start needing more support, children are growing and flying the nest, relationships often have to adapt to a new normal, careers can change, there may be loss and grief - the list goes on. 

I’m sure you can relate to what I’m talking about. 

Any and all of these things might trigger anxiety at any time of our lives. Add in the fluctuating hormones of the menopause transition and is it any wonder that you notice butterflies in your stomach at the most inconvenient moments, with your mind constantly buzzing round and around leaving you worrying about everyone and everything.

I think it’s important here to emphasise that anxiety is not something trivial you just ‘snap out of’. So many women try and cope, believing it’s just all part of the process of menopause – that there’s always someone worse off and they ‘should’ just get on with it, right?

Actually no - I don’t agree. You’ve put everyone else first for so long and you deserve to enjoy your life to the full.  You don’t need to put up with things that make you feel ‘less’ somehow.

Your first step here is to acknowledge that when you feel anxious, your body is usually trying to tell you that there is a need within you that isn’t being met. Consider this: 

• Feeling anxious at home after running round after everyone else all day could be about a real need for some control over your own life
• Wanting to stay home and avoid doing things you used to love could be about wanting to feel safe and secure
• Maybe tears at work (or even when you think about work) is about a lack of purpose or autonomy in what you are doing

None of these things are specifically about menopause, but menopause can and will exaggerate something that's already lurking.  I liken it to a rumble inside which you just can't ignore, shining a light on parts of your life that you may previously have been able to sweep under the carpet.  You might find yourself, often unconciously, doing things in a way that perhaps you might not have done previously and avoiding stuff that is starting to feel  uncomfortable. It forces you to look inside and nuture yourself, before you can move forward again.

You see now, can’t you, why our hormones are often considered as the cause of the problem, when actually they aren’t.

Menopause has a habit of laying everything bare and recognising this will make a huge difference to how you manage those unwanted feelings. When you can understand that your body and emotions are showing you something that you might need to address, you can then start to deal with what’s really going on.

One simple way of doing this is to name your feelings. Try this:

• Sit or stand just where you are, and take a few deep breaths
• If you are able & wish to do so, gently rest your eyes closed and just notice how you’re feeling.  If you prefer to leave your eyes open, that’s fine too
• See what emotions rise up, and give them a name.  Whether it’s annoyance, frustration, sadness, uncomfortable – don’t think about it, just recognise what’s there
• Be curious about what’s coming up for you
• Acknowledging those feelings in the moment helps you move from ‘I am…’ to ‘I am feeling…’, and means that you are starting to take back your control

You’ll notice those heightened emotions will begin to melt away, leaving you feeling calmer.  It’s such a powerful thing when you really start to see what’s happening for you.  

Do you think you could give this a try? How do you think this might help you?

Anxiety often shows up through menopause, although our hormones are often unfairly blamed.  The uncomfortable feelings you have might indicate that you have a need that is not being met.  Learning to become curious about what that might be means you’ll find those anxious feelings have much less charge.